On this slow day for Cornell news, I will explain my recent interaction with Delta Airlines, and advise all those who have to fly into Ithaca in August to avoid this aero-conglomerate.

This past weekend, I visited a classified fellow in a classified location (I wouldn’t want Delta to go after him too after reading this).  I chose to fly Delta Airlines because it offered the cheapest option by a significant margin; I later learned why.  I flew from my hometown of Buffalo to Detroit, and then to my final destination.  On the way home, I once again had to catch a connecting flight in Detroit.  I left Friday night and was supposed to return Sunday night.  My weekend went something like this:

1. My flight out of Buffalo was delayed by 30 minutes.  This was problematic as my original schedule only allotted a 30 minute layover in Detroit.
2. I touched down in Detroit 20 minutes before my final flight was supposed to leave (the pilot made up for lost time).  I stepped off the plane with 10 minutes to go before the flight to my final location was set to depart.
3. The gate at which we deplaned was on the opposite side of the airport as the gate of my second flight.  The Detroit airport has over 200 gates, which is difficult to navigate for a bumpkin like me (the Buffalo airport has 26 gates, 4 of which are not in operation).
4. Only knowing that my second flight was in the ‘A’ pavilion while I was in ‘C,’ I sprinted faster and with more tenacity than I have since the summer before my last year playing hockey.
5. At one point in the Detroit airport, I had to go down an escalator, through a tunnel with neon lights and techno music, and then back up another escalator.  I still wonder why that path could not be straight.
6. Frantically searching for a big board, I finally found one at the intersection of the ‘A’ and ‘B’ pavilions.  When checking my flight, its status read “Closed.”
7. Despite my stomach dropping, I still went to the gate with hopes that I could beg my way on board.
8. To my delight, one of the flight officials was standing in the main corridor and asking for anyone on my flight.
9. I quickly approached her and handed over my boarding pass.
10. Within 30 seconds of me sitting down on the plane, the cabin door closed.
11. Finally at ease, I almost passed out from a lack of oxygen and sheer exhaustion.
12. I arrived safely at my final destination.  All was well.
13. All quickly turned sour when my bag did not appear on the carousel at baggage claim.  My bag was still in Detroit (not surprising considering how close the flight from Buffalo was to that out of Detroit).
14. The next day, I wore the same disgusting clothes I had on during the flight.  I received my bag later that day.
15. The visit went well.
16. On the way home, the flight from my visiting point seemed to be right on time to Detroit.
17. After 15 minutes on the runway, the pilot pulled back into the gate we left and told everyone to get off.  The plane had engine problems.
18. The flight to Detroit was rescheduled for an hour later.  When the time arrived, it was cancelled.
19. The airline directed the passengers to a ‘self-help’ terminal where there were no representatives from the airline.  It was assumed that the cattle would eventually figure out what to do with the tools there.
20. After learning how to use the phones at the ‘self-help’ terminal (more like the ‘gouge-your-eyes out’ terminal), I was finally able to rebook a flight–for the next day.  There were no other flights that day to Detroit or Buffalo.  I now had to miss work since the next day was Monday.
21. The operator at the airline call center asked if I needed a hotel, to which I naturally responded ‘yes.’  She directed me to hotels.com, with whom I booked a room for almost $100 at a Red Roof Inn.
22. After hanging up, I then heard a gate attendant tell the passengers who were stranded overnight that they were eligible for a hotel room voucher (amazing how the operator never told me about that).
23. After learning about the voucher, I tried to cancel my reservation at the Red Roof Inn.  I called the actual Red Roof Inn, and was told that they could do nothing because I booked the room through a third party (as though I had a choice).  The director at the Red Roof Inn gave me the phone number to the third party.
24. I called the number of the third party.  My initial call was met with “all operators are busy at this time.”  Fair enough.  I then called again a few minutes later.  And then again, and again, and again, and again, and again, etc. for 20 minutes straight of hanging up and redialing.  I was met with the same “all operators are busy at this time,” EVERY SINGLE attempt.
25. Despite the inability to cancel my room, I had to accept the room provided by the voucher from the airline because I could not obtain transportation to the Red Roof Inn.
26. It was official: I had been cheated out of $100 by a Big Airline-Big Hotel racket.  We’ll call this the Airline-Hotel Industrial Complex.
27. I chose not to take my bag back and recheck it the next morning because I had a sneaky feeling I would get charged the $25 checking fee again.  So I went another night without a change of clothes or toiletries.
28. I stayed overnight near the airport with a 6:15am flight to Detroit the next morning.  I had to awake at 3:15am for this.
29. The flight to Detroit went fine.
30. While in Detroit, I had to call my boss and explain the situation to him without sounding like I was trying to skip work due to a hangover from a wild Sunday night.
31. To put a cherry on top of the sundae of misery, my flight from Detroit to Buffalo was delayed by 45 minutes.
32. I arrived in Buffalo expecting my bag to not be there because that would have been consistent with the weekend.  Fortunately, my bag was there.
33. I stepped inside my home at 1:30pm on Monday.  To show my dedication, I decided to go into work for the afternoon.  In a rush, I threw on some decent looking business casual attire, but neglected to comb my frazzled hair or shave.
34. I walked into work and greeted my supervisor.  Instead of receiving warm sentiments for my Herculean commitment, I was reprimanded for not shaving, not combing my hair, and leaving town without scheduling a vacation.

So is my story with Delta Airlines.  I certainly now know why their flights are always the cheapest available.  I will NEVER fly with the airline again.  I have also rekindled my hatred for large enterprise, which was present during my early high school days as a hard-core leftist.  I was treated like a god-damn cow by those schmucks.  I hope they BURN in Hell.  Also, I am now more motivated than ever to earn enough income to buy my own plane one day.

So, for all those who are flying into Ithaca this August, I can only say one thing:

DO NOT FLY DELTA AIRLINES!  DO NOT FLY DELTA AIRLINES!!  DO NOT FLY DELTA AIRLINES!!!

DO

NOT

FLY

DELTA

AIRLINES!!!!